I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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