Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
