This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
