You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
