Apparently you make a good broom.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
