For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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