A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
