Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
