oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
