I heard we made out
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
