Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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