i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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