I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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