it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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