so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
