How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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