Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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