I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
