no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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