areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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