worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
