i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
