If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
