the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
