I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
