she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize