upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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