why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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