Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
