something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
