I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
