R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
