I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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