I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize