the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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