Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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