Only a mothe r could love this liver
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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