He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
