I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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