every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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