I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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