party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
