i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
