I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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