it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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