I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
