Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.

Fav 11 901 1301
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(847): View more from Illinois

Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

Fav 17 3452 929
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(443): View more from Maryland

She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.

Fav 21 8765 1302
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.

Fav 6 3825 998
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(206): View more from Washington

She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?

Fav 4 2070 1071
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(248): View more from Michigan

Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?

Fav 10 2821 1396
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.

Fav 2 1416 926
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(254): View more from Texas

I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar

Fav 2 692 451
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.

Fav 0 69 5
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