I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
