I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
