Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
