Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
