God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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