In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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