yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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