I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
