You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
