Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
