When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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