remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
