sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize