I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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