We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
