Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
