Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
