those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
