HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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