I like my sex mixed with concussions.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
