She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
