My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
