halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
