I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
