i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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