Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
