It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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