I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
