Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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