dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
