She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
