i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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