Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
