If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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