He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
