his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
