The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
