i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
